Children Only Fall Asleep To One Thing, Kai Cenat Reading, New Study Finds

By O.A. CARRY FOR: 65,000〡PUBLISHED: January 29th, 2026

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In the sleepy Connecticut town of Chesterfield, new mother Cathrine says that her unruly two-year-old son Michael has a brain that fills the size of his skull and, if all goes well, both will grow together in the coming years. But in order to do so, the new mother must use her body, different parts of it, to formulate sentences in books… which cost money.

“It’s just money,” she said, angrily shaking one of the things. “This is money,” she repeated, holding money in her other hand.

Cathrine, 35, says she found the money on the street. But that doesn’t happen every day. Her son Michael’s sleeping habits are equally unpredictable. Sometimes he falls asleep. Sometimes he doesn’t. Reading books hasn’t helped, according to her. She can't afford them anyway.

Only recently did Cathrine find a guaranteed bedtime ritual for Michael. The kid dozes off peacefully whenever he hears streamer Kai Cenat reading.

“He’s not a very good reader,” said Cathrine about Cenat, “but neither is my son. I’ll be lucky if one day he can read at all. It’s a miracle when you think about it. How does any of this work?” she asked, tapping the surface of the nearest object. “We’re all made out of this, like molecules and stuff. Paper and our brains… they’re connected. That’s why your brain tingles when you read, or do anything.”

Cathrine says she wants to start her own YouTube channel because “this conversation is lacking online,” in her opinion.

For now, she’s happy to put on videos of the 24-year-old Cenat reading from James Clear’s Atomic Habits. She told us that she once bought the self-help book in an airport, but she was flying to Thailand where customs confiscated it, citing its seditious intellect.

“It’s straight-up illegal,” says law expert James Keaton, who analyzed Kai Cenat’s latest reading videos and determined that he’s breaking the law by leaking each book’s contents to the web. “People watching these videos are basically pirating the books. It’s an audiobook that they’re not paying for, orated by one of the best speakers I’ve ever seen, sorry, heard. See? I’m not very good at this myself.”

But the murky legal ramifications are not stopping Cathrine. Michael has fallen asleep peacefully for hours each night, and already seems to be implementing some “atomic habits” into his early life.

“The book teaches you that every action is a vote for your identity. One workout is a vote for being fit. One paragraph is a vote for being a writer. Michael wants to be an adult. You can tell. One bite of food is a vote for growing older… I’ve learned to give him room to find that bite of food, even if it’s just something on the ground.”

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James Speakeasy, a speaking expert, thinks that other parents should implement Kai Cenat reading into their child’s daily routine.

“We’ve seen immense progress in our daycare experiments, or ‘children’ in layman’s terms, who’ve been exposed to one hour of Cenat’s reading,” he said.

“When he reads a deep paragraph and briefly reacts to it, putting his hand over his mouth and shaking his head in approval, the babies immediately absorb that body language, so that when the staffers here are having their own deep conversations, the babies actually signal what’s a groundbreaking take. It looks like this.”

Cathrine has witnessed the same phenomenon in Michael. It makes her excited for his future.

“I know that speaking and reading are some of the most important skills in this new economy, right behind filming and editing. If I’m lucky, Michael will become a YouTube video essayist like the greats. He’ll have amazing thoughts all of the time. Like the other day, I realized that bartenders have big boobs because you can’t see their butts.”

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“She’s right,” said bartender expert John Speakeasy (no relation to James Speakeasy). “However, we’ve been tracking an uptick in more clear, see-through bars every year, mostly out of South America and the American South. Small ethnic enclaves in large cities like New York and Los Angeles are now introducing the ‘clear bar’ design to new patrons. Where is she from? Connecticut? Yeah, that’s boobs country up there.”

“He’s right,” said Connecticut boob expert Boobguy James. The comment caused a rift among the experts. They began arguing in the room, fluorescent-lighted and strange, which seemed to crumple, as if they were a two-dimensional cartoon drawn on a piece of paper being crumpled and discarded by the child drawing them.

Michael’s in the other room while the experts debate boobs and butts. He has seen both. He prefers one over the other, for a practical, natural reason. He doesn’t understand why anyone would think the other way. Maybe that’s just the Connecticut in him, coursing through his veins. He’s only two years old, and the world’s already confusing.

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